just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Randomize
