So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
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