Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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