Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
