Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
barbara walters just said penis...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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