i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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