i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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