Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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