We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
