You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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