38 yer olds are good kisserssss
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize