peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
