Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
