meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
