I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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