I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
