Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
