Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Randomize
