walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
