I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I skipped work to stalk him.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
