My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
