the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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