I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
