i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
