Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
