I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
