youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
