I look better un-naked...
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
