I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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