Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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