I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
my poor anus
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
