I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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