Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
