I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
