i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize