what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
