I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize
