Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
