we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
