She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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