it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
