We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Randomize
