she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize