it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
A bitchslap is in order.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
