Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
