she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Is it penis luge time yet?
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
