drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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