Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
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