a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
