she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
