she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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