: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
