shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
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