My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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