Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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