Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
