I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
