we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
