I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
