Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
