last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
