Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
