I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
