Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
