everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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